I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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