The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize