Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize