Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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