do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
