Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize