I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
