Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
