Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
