Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize