This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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