They should really pass out barf bags in church
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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