The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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