Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
