id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
