I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
