We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
