please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
