tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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