she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
