his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
