Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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