Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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