She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
