Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dick very happy bro
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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