I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
