look no pants
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
soo... how was my night?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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