It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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