He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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