I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
