My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sext me about skeletons
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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