let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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