Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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