So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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