We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
