I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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