So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
