So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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