$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
