real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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