my soul wont recognize me after tonight
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
