mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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