I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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