is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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