I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
