wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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