I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
