I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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