What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
