At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
