remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The power of my boobs compel you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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