Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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