If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
