the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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