Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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