wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
