I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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