Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
