I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
