so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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