Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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