every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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