Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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