I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize