Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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