He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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