It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
