somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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