I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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