i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
