white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
