dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
