woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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