I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
