We need to rekindle our bromance
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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