i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
